i got a hiccup of anxiety for the holidays the other day.i just realized that thanksgiving was next week and i am unprepared for the christnnkuhwanza season ahead. this time every year i become aware that i have been in a time vacuum for the last 12 months.
first let's start with thanksgiving. our little family unit had gradually changed throughout the years and the last few have been spent with my mom and friends at the hollywood race track. dont cringe, its great. not the food, it is horrible but does the job of soaking up the bloody marys and gin fizzes. the whole gambling and people watching, giggling with my friends and sitting outside with the slight autumn chill. i have grown to love it. there is not any pressure for anything other than getting there in time for the first race.
this year the sister in law sent out invitations months ago to host it at their new house, that is in the process of being remodeled and will be on thanksgiving thursday. there was/is no way that i can get out of this one, but at least we will have a full yummy homemade thanksgiving finally. or so i thought. i am prepared to make the turkey, gravy, dressing, pies, greens and salad if i must, and it looks like i must right now.
i put too much pressure on myself and family to have a perfect season with perfect meals throughout. i apologize, i have to chill out, but i do have my preferences of having things fresh and delicious. canned veggies and frozen pies kinda freak me out. just think of what happens in those food processing plants and besides they just are not as good. i dont figure myself to be a snob, maybe a germaphobe with a particular palate, having worked directly with food for years. if i have to endure an entire day of the family i might as well drown myself in flakey lard ridden pie crusts, buttery potatoes, creamy gravy, and crispy turkey skin- you know the kind that everyone fights for.
the social thing sends me into a nervous bubble a bit too. i have yet to spent much time with this side of her family and there is already a little tension between a few members in my family. they are not drinkers so i cant use that cover, besides i think i have used that tactic a few too many times and i have to mend the reputation. i have calculated the time that i have to spend there without seeming too rude and cutting it short. so, should i spend the time playing with the 6 year olds or having conversations in which i have another one in my head at the same time, translating what i really want to say?
this year i am without a relationship to use as an excuse for being late or leaving, bummer. it's all on me and they might figure out that i really am the bitch that they had thought all this time.
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