this might be a mistake

so, yeah, i smoke, have been for longer than i would like to admit.

i have always denied that i will eventually have to stop and have been waiting for a good reason besides the curdling cough that comes up every once in a while. as time goes by and i don't have any significant health concerns or babies to weigh in the guilt, i think i might have to quit for myself.

ahhhh, not only have i said it out loud, i actually wrote it, for the world to see and to hold me up to my word. f***, this is dangerous.

i am just tired of everything about it.

i do have one pack left and am going to smoke every last bit of every 20 cigarettes in there, but after that...

so, i will be fighting the monster and trying to make it look easy and mourning the loss of my cherished friend. so please excuse me. and be nice to me.